Love and Hate
by GNess
Summary: He hated her; he loathed her. She had similar feelings towards him. Draco/Hermione


****

Love and Hate

He hated her; he loathed her. She had similar feelings towards him. But it didn't seem to matter, because whenever they were near each other it was damned near impossible for them to keep their hands to themselves.

This was something she wasn't too happy about. She knew she couldn't help the feelings, couldn't help the horrible hormones that caused her this strife, but she still felt dirty and worthless afterwards.

Even when she felt completely elated at the same time.

His gray eyes surveyed her, not cruelly like when they were among their former classmates, but curiously. He wanted to know her better than anyone else in the world knew her, but she wouldn't open up to him. She rarely talked, barely listened and was off somewhere else in her mind when they were not clinging to each other. Or at least that's how it seemed to him.

He'd made the mistake of going out in public with her once, instead of staying holed up in his luxurious flat in central London. Though he doesn't necessarily call it a mistake, she does, so he goes along with it. In fact, he'd wanted nothing better than to 'out' their relationship to the entire world; he said he'd go on that awful Muggle program TRL even, but she forbade it. She wanted him kept a secret, and that saddened him to a certain degree.

It was like he lived in an apiary, with all the stings he was receiving. People he once mistakenly called 'friends' were turning on him at an alarming rate. They berated him in public, denounced his status and sent him to exile. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly the best time of his life. That title belonged to the time he spent with her.

The sad part was he wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

****

/ i don't wanna be a sucker for you /

To say he hated everything about her would be an exaggeration; the truth of the matter was that he only hated the fact that she seemed ashamed of him. A long time ago, he'd have thought this would have been turned around, with him being ashamed to be with her, but things change. People change. The world changes.

He left Hogwarts and pursued his own hopes and dreams, not those of his tyrant father. He broke away from 'the family business' and turned his attention to something more fulfilling; he was tired of being the one that everyone hated.

He wanted to be the one that she loved. 

But whatever he did wasn't good enough, because she never said those words to him, not even in the heat of passion or on the fly. He found himself incapable of saying them to her, but assumed she knew how he felt. Assumptions were never good, he knew this, but he couldn't get his lips to form the words, and couldn't get his mind to think clearly around her for more than five second intervals.

When it came down to it, Draco Malfoy had fallen in love, and love, among other things, was something the Malfoys did not take lightly. Often because the Malfoys never really found true love; they found lust, or power, or whatever it is you want to call it, but they rarely found that kind of love that lasts forever; the love that transcends gender, status and age.

At just twenty years old, he was sure he'd never love another woman as much, or as deeply, as he loved Hermione Granger. If only he could tell her that, maybe life would be a bit easier.

****

/ i hate myself for staying / i hate myself for listening to you /

She bent down to lace up her boots and let out a huge sigh as the doorbell rang hollowly through the apartment. Whisking strands of honey colored hair out of her eyes, she begrudgingly went to answer it, even though she was already late for work.

as the heavy door was pulled open, Hermione let out a small gasp of surprise. The man wearing all black with his striking blonde hair contrasting with it so vividly that stood on the threshold should not have been there; it was not the weekend, which meant that Hermione and Draco did not see each other, as per their agreement. Or, if she's being honest, her agreement, as it was her who thought it up in the first place.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, pulling him into the apartment and shutting the door quietly behind him.

He walked casually into the living room, gazing at all the trinkets on the shelves and photos hung on the walls; her smiling face looked down at him from all angles, and so did the smiling faces of her friends, the ones who didn't know he knew her address, let alone that they were sort of dating. 

"I thought I'd come say hello," he drawled, sitting carefully on her beige sofa. The entire room was beige, and he wasn't sure it was her who had designed it, as she definitely didn't strike him as a beige sort of girl. Shocking pink, maybe; bright red, possibly. But maybe the side he saw of her was one that no one else saw. A small, smug smile crept onto his lips as she stood in front of him in her work gear, an angry look on her beautiful features.

"We agreed not to see each other during the week." She was biting her nails, and chewing on her lower lip; this was obviously not the best time to be having the conversation Draco had come here to have, but then again, Draco didn't care.

"You agreed, actually," he pointed out, surveying her stoically. "I just went along with it. At the time, I wasn't in the mood for arguing."

"Draco, please." She glanced towards the door, as if the entire Ministry of Magic was waiting outside to catch them in the act. "I'm already late for work."  
  
"It can wait, can't it?"  
  
"I don't have time for this."  
  
Draco stood up slowly, and crossed the room towards her. His voice was quiet, yet demanding, and it sent shivers up her spine, whether she had time for it or not. "You can make time."  
  
"No," she replied sternly, backing up against the fireplace. "I can't." She would have backed up further if she could, but she was stuck there, trapped with his body nearly pressing against hers and her breath coming in raggedly. She cursed her body for the things it did the second he came into her vision; it was not fair.

Draco would have run a finger the entire way down her body, to perhaps leave her weak and shivering for more, but he needed to get a few things out of the way first, so he refrained from such advances. He stepped away, and could hear a little breath come out of her mouth as he retreated to a safe distance. He couldn't tell if the breath was of relief or sadness, but he didn't have time to ponder it any further.

"We need to talk."  
  
One of Hermione's eyebrows quirked up and she cocked her head to the side in curiosity. She hadn't been expecting this. Which was evident by the way her voice shook when she spoke. "What?"  
  
"I'm tired of this," he gesticulated grandly around the room and gave her a serious smile. "Not tired of the relationship, I assure you, but tired of how it's being played out."  
  
"You'd rather not stay over, is that it?"  
  
Draco laughed slightly. "Hardly. No, I just want us to be out in the open from now on. I don't want to hide anymore. At first it was exhilarating and fun, and new and different and it made everything all the more better, but now it just feels…wrong."  
  
"I wouldn't think it would bother you."  
  
"No, I wouldn't think so either. Which is why it's all the more perplexing that I'm feeling this way."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" She placed her hands on her hips, normal fight stance, and stared him down, waiting for the consequences of their actions from the last year that they'd been cavorting about without anyone knowing about it.

"Shout it from your roof. I want you to climb up there, heals and all, and shout at the top of your lungs that you love Draco Malfoy." He smirked at her, but there was a twinkle in his eye.

Hermione shook her head, half laughing. "I most certainly will not. Do you know what Ron and Harry'll do if they find out?"  
  
"Castrate me?" Draco offered, fingering the lace of a pillow on her sofa.

"No, worse."   
  
Draco looked up, stunned. "Worse? What the hell is worse than that?"

"I don't know, but they'll think of something."  
  
Draco smiled, a true smile, and crossed back to her side of the room, placing a hand on either of her forearms. "Hermione, I hate you sometimes."  
  
"I hate you all of the time."

"Yes, but you love me more of the time."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that."  
  
Draco pouted and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before letting her go and stepping back. "I know that I always joke about…well, everything, but I want you to understand how I feel right now."  
  
"Cheap?"  
  
"I'd only feel cheap if you were paying me."

Hermione chuckled. "I could, if you'd like."  


Draco sighed heavily, closed his eyes and braced himself; this needed to be done, for his own frame of mind. He couldn't go on like this, he knew. He'd had this conversation in his head for weeks, always trying to figure out the exact wording, and hoping against hope that she'd go along with him so they could just be a regular couple.

Who knew all Draco Malfoy would ever want in life would be to be a 'regular couple' with Hermione Granger? If anyone had suggested that to him six years ago, he'd have laughed in their face and then cursed them for their trouble.

"I just want us to be out."

  
"What, like a gay couple? I didn't know you swung that way, but---"  
  
"Hermione, I'm serious."  
  
She sighed, flopping down into a recliner. "I know. I'm sorry." She ran a hand through her hair, gathering her words carefully. "I can't just…you know…be with you like that."  
  
"But on weekends we can have little trysts as long as no one knows? That's been going on for a bloody year. It's time to tell everyone what's going on. They probably all suspect it, anyway."

Hermione sat up straight, looking horrified. "Who've you talked to?"

Draco's eyes became sad, losing the sparkle they usually had when she was around; he sighed, shook his head and made for the door. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I wish I didn't care. I'm surprised I do, but I can't change how I feel."

"I don't want you to change how you feel, Draco. I just need more time. Where are you going?"

His hand on the doorknob, he turned around. "I'm leaving. Because that's always what you want me to do."

****

/ i changed all the things that you told me to change /

She knew the second the door closed that she'd have to go after him; she knew the second she stood up and raced to the door exactly what she'd say when she caught up with him. She just hoped he was walking like a normal person, and hadn't Apparated.

Once out onto the street, she couldn't clearly see any blonde head bobbing in and out of the early morning walkers. Then she remembered he'd had a hood on, as not to arouse suspicion. Something in her heart clicked, something that made her feel sick all over and guilty.

He did all these things for her, things like covering himself up as he walked out of her apartment, just for her, because he truly cared. Not because he was using her as an object, as she was him in some ways, but because there was something really there. He felt it, and now so did she.

As this revelation hit, she sped up, going down the way she imagined he'd have taken to get a clear spot to Apparate home.

Throwing all caution to the wind as she ran down the street, she yelled at the top of her lungs, "DRACO! DRACO! DRACOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lots of people turned to look, of course, but Hermione didn't care. She rushed past them, saying over and over again in her head "Please still be here. Please still be here."

She was more than halfway down the street when she yelled again, "DRACO!" as loudly as possible.

"What?" His voice was calm as he stepped out of the coffee shop, sipping on a coffee; his hood was down, revealing who he was, yet there was no one around to see. The street had emptied out suddenly, probably because people were getting to work now, but Hermione stopped caring about work, and everything else, the second she saw him.

"I don't care about anyone else," she stated, breathing heavily as she walked closer to him. "I don't care."

"That's good," Draco replied evenly, not taking his eyes off her.

"Did you hear me properly? I DON'T CARE!" She tipped her head back and yelled at the top of her lungs, "I LOVE DRACO MALFOY! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!"

Draco's lips curled into a soft smile. "Hermione, that is so cliché."

She grinned at him, and took a step closer. "I don't care." Slowly, Hermione slid his coffee out of his hand and set it on a nearby postbox. She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling widely at him. "I don't want you to break up with me."  
  
"I wasn't going to. I was just getting a coffee so I could keep up my stamina and argue with you for another eighteen hours. If that's what it took for you to finally see sense."  
  
"As it was, it only took you walking out the door."

  
He grinned. "I noticed that."

She planted a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you."  
  
He picked her up to get at her lips from a better angle and kissed her senseless, right there on the quiet street where anyone could see them. 

But for once she didn't care.

----

A/N: The lyrics in the story (put in randomly) are from Our Lady Peace's "Do You Like It."


End file.
